Hold 'Em Tight

© Grace Henry Photos
(yep she made me pose like this and I did it!)

Jenni enjoying some brownies.

This is Kobe (not my child, but I would take him!) we celebrated his 1st Birthday on Super Bowl Sunday. I think he had a bit of a crush on Jennifer.

Daddy and the girls playing puppets before nap time.

We have had a lot of snowfall this week, I find it to be sad and beautiful.

This week I had every intention of writing about a question I can't stand getting. I will save that for next week as this week has brought a lot of tears and heartbreak for a man that I don't even know.

His name is Chad Cole, and even though is his name is not really important, I have prayed for him all week. He lost his wife, Sara, in a car accident this week. Sara was pregnant and due to give birth in a few weeks. Baby Miranda was born about an hour after the accident and brought into the world early and with no Mother.

Miranda was born about 30 minutes away from us in Ann Arbor on February 5th. She was put on life support and began the battle to save her life. Three days later, on February 8th, Miranda "took her first steps into the arms of her Mother and Jesus." These are the beautiful words that Chad said as his daughter lost the battle for her life.

I cried and I cried over these words, what a massive lost this man has had, and yet his words gave ME comfort. I struggle with my spirituality on just about a daily basis, this man that I don't even know, finds his peace and strength in knowing that his family is safe and together with Jesus. Sure I pray, and yes, I believe in Jesus, but I don't know if I would have the strength he has to not be mad, not be angry and say "why me?" To have a total stranger have so much strength and faith in God and Jesus makes me wonder why I don't have that, or would I be able to have it in a situation like this?

When I went away to college, my Mom told me that she used to pray "let me see my kids go to school", "let me see my kids drive", "let me see my kids graduate", "let me see my kids get married". I used to think that was crazy, until I had kids! I want to see them grow up and grow into young Women, I want to be able to comfort them when a boy breaks their heart, I want to be their mom. Ryan and I have talked about IF something were to happen to me, traditions he must continue, things to always say, reasons to find another wife. It is hard to think about, but for me it is a comfort in knowing that my girls will be loved even if I am not here.

As I lay my kids down to sleep at night I read them a story, I tell them I love them, and I tuck them in and say goodnight. Tonight and for always I will hold them a little bit longer and a little bit tighter, for I could never wake up in the morning, nor could they. I will breath before I get mad and frustrated, I will pray a prayer of Thank You for letting me have spent the day with them, for it could always be my last. I am not perfect, I will still forget to breath I am sure, and I will rush through the bedtime story sometimes, but at the end of every day I will still say a Thank You to God, for he made me a Mom for some reason, for some purpose, and THAT I know I believe in!